Just Business
by Weasley's Revenge
Summary: "Because of the merger your dads and Burt… they want us to be a thing.  To date so it looks better for the companies."  And then her life just kind of imploded. Rachel is forced to date Finn Hudson all in the name of better business. Finchel.
1. Chapter 1

**AN:** This is for a prompt over on the finchel-prompts tumblr, but that doesn't really have anything to do with the story itself. Finchel. Multi-chap. Get ready for a ride.

Rachel Barbra Berry, daughter of business moguls Leroy and Hiram Berry, sat in her usual front row seat taking diligent notes about history in the 100 level class she was in. American history, while mildly interesting, held very little of her interest—she was just taking the class because she had a little free time in her schedule and still needed the required history course. The only problem with taking this class was the boy who sat two desks back and one row over. The boy who had just spent the last fifteen minutes lobbing tiny balls of paper at her head. "Berry," he finally whispered, his sharp tone cutting through the professor's drab one. She steadfastly ignored him instead scribbling down something about railroads. Rachel swore that was the answer to everything in American history—always about railroads.

The professor dismissed them soon after with promises of a quiz during the next class. Rachel was busy trying to gather her things up and make it to her dorm so that she could catch up on studying for the advanced music theory test she had next Tuesday, and she didn't even notice as Finn approached her. A player if she'd ever met one he hadn't been actively pursuing her since their freshman year when one drunken night had ended in a hopeful Finn and a regretful Rachel.

Until this class, she'd actually managed a pretty nice job of avoiding him for most of their respective college careers. "Look, I'm not any more happy about this than you are but that doesn't mean you have to act like an ice queen all of a sudde—" She cut him off unwilling to sit there and just listen to him babble. Finn had a propensity for babbling that she couldn't stand. He somehow always managed to talk his way out of things like work and into things like bars and parties. It was absolutely maddening.

"I have no idea what you're blabbering on about, and I would appreciate if you would just Let. Go." She tugged her arm from his gentle grasp before adjusting the straps of her backpack and going for a classic storm-off, but his words stopped her in her tracks. Rachel was too nosey not to stay.

The look on Finn's face was pure confusion, if felt strange to see him caught unaware. The Finn that she knew always wore his game face. He was the son of Burt Hummel after all. Always the pragmatic business man. "They haven't told you yet?" his voice finally rang out, a little weaker than usual.

The classroom was now empty save for the two of them locked in a stare down. "Told me what, exactly?"

"Oh… Rachel… I'm so sorry. I really thought your dads would have talked to you by now and…" He was back-tracking now, his eyes wide with something that she couldn't quite place.

She tried again her voice clipped because she really just needed to know what the hell was going on, "_What? _What haven't they told me yet?"

"The merger. They want us… it looks bad if… they really haven't said _anything?_" Finn's tone went quickly from explanatory to incredulous.

Rachel did her best to try to put together his words, but they left some pretty big blanks in her head. "Just say it. What?"

"Because of the merger your dads and Burt… they want us to be a thing. To date so it looks better for the companies." And then her life just kind of imploded.

She stood there for a few moments completely in shock and when she finally came back around Finn was staring at her waving his large hand in front of her face. "Earth to Rachel, you're acting like a freak!"

"Acting like a freak!" She nearly shrieked, "Acting like freak! I just found out that… you're coming with me!" Her brain was racing, and her disjointed thoughts didn't really make sense as some of them made it out of her mouth and others didn't. Regardless she grabbed Finn's arm dragging him after her.

"What the fuck are you doing? You're like… an Oompa Loompa guard or something. Are you kidnapping me?" She rolled her eyes at him as she continued to drag him down the steps and out to her car.

Unlocking the blue Mini from a few feet away she shoved him towards the passenger door. "God, you're stupid. Not kidnapping. We're going to see my dads. They'll sort all of this—this—this crap out." Rachel was two seconds away from swearing, but she didn't want to give Finn the satisfaction of hearing her cuss. There was more fun in annoying him by refusing to swear.

"Oh hell no, I already talked to your dads, and no offense but your black dad scares the shit out of me. We already had a heart to heart about all of this business—it' not my fault that they forget to inform Princess Berry." Finn lifted his hands up in mock surrender before starting to slowly back away from her.

Rachel had started gritting her teeth as soon as he opened his mouth and as he continued to talk she repeatedly rolled her eyes at him, "My _Papa_ is one of the nicest people in the world—and this entire idea of them wanting us to date so that the _companies_ can look better is completely ludicrous! You're coming with me so that you can explain that this is all some kind of elaborate practical joke." Her face started to get brilliantly red as Finn had the audacity to stand there and laugh at her.

"No joke. This is real, and like it or not, your daddies want you to date me. Sorry sweetie, but you can't keep avoiding the Studson." Rachel stared at Finn in open mouthed loathing.

She finally managed to open her door before getting in the car and speeding off leaving Finn standing in the parking lot. She didn't need him to get her daddies to confirm that everything he was saying was utter shit. They wouldn't do this to her.

Parking in front of the large Berry Industries building Rachel stormed out of her car and inside quickly bypassing security, as she'd been doing for most of her life. She even refused to wait outside of their offices instead barging straight into the conference room. "Daddy, Papa! Finn Hudson came up to me after class today and started say the stupidest thing—oh," It was like confirming her worst nightmares. Burt Hummel sat at the large, shiny table opposite her fathers.

Her fathers remained silent until Burt finally spoke up, "… You hadn't told her yet?"

It was Hiram who spoke in almost a whisper as he leaned closer to Burt, "We hadn't worked up to it quiet yet, and it appears as if your son has jumped the gun a little." Turning to Rachel he raised his voice, "Baby girl, if you just want to have a seat, we can talk about all of this."

She refused, shaking her head, and pressing her lips together. She couldn't believe it. Of all the things that could go wrong, of all of the stupid awful things her dads could do, it was this. "Rachel, with the Duluth Corporation coming into direct competition with us… Hummel and Berry Industries can't keep competing. We need to merge if we're even going to have a chance at making it."

"I know that. I don't understand the part where I have to fucking date Finn Hudson!" Her Papa winced at her use of profanity and made some futile gestures in the direction of Burt Hummel. She was beyond caring what kind of impression she was making.

Her Papa, Leroy, rose from his seat walking around the table and putting a gentle arm around her shoulders, "We know you don't want to baby doll, but this is the only solution we can think of that makes this look better to the competition. Finn's really not a bad boy, and your Papa and I already talked to him… who knows maybe you two will hit it off?"

Rachel wanted to start screaming. Or crying. Or throwing some giant hissy fit because, you didn't "hit it off" with someone who you had a drunken one night stand with. And you didn't learn to like a jackass who had been hitting on you to no avail for the better part of four years. She and Finn were like water and oil. They had completely different views, and he was a chauvinist pig, and she absolutely refused to go out with him. "No. I refuse to do any of this. This is such bullshit!"

"Rachel, we're trying to be nice about this. You two have a date Friday night, and we expect you to show up, and at least, act like you're having a good time." Her jaw dropped at her Papa's tone. He was almost never cross with her, but something about this situation seemed to be making him incredibly unreasonable. Rachel turned her head and pouted at her daddy trying to garner his support, but he simply shook his head.

"Your Papa is right Rachel. We're sorry, but it has to happen. You and Finn need to seem like a couple for a t least six months while we're working out this merge—it's best for all of us sweetie. Only six months." She was about to refuse again but sensed that it would be futile. There was no explanation for this kind of barbaric arrangement. It almost felt like she was entering into some kind of horrible arranged marriage or being given into slavery of some kind.

Stamping her foot a little in frustration Rachel looked between her fathers trying to see if she could even think of a way out of this horrible situation. Seeing none she finally sighed, "Fine. But I'm not happy about any of this."

"You could at least try and see the good in him…" Her papa started, but Rachel put her hand up effectively cutting him off.

"Don't even start with me right now, please." If there was one thing she was good at, it was ruling her fathers' lives. The only child of two wealthy business men she never really wanted for anything, and she'd actually had a pretty perfect life—until right about half an hour ago when Finn Hudson had told her the news that had led to her life spiraling dramatically out of her control.

**AN:** And thus the start of my first multi-chapter Glee fic. Reviews are love, and more to come soon :).


	2. Chapter 2

**AN:** I've been doing a lot of brainstorming with my beta, and now it's all a matter of how much freetime I get for this fic to make progress. Thanks to everyone for all of the favorites/alerts/reviews!

Finn stood alone in the parking lot for a few minutes after she'd sped off without him. He'd never really understood Rachel. Most girls would kill for a chance to even be with him, and Rachel was freaking out. It wasn't like he didn't get that she didn't want him. He'd spent years trying to somehow get back in her pants because Rachel had been kind _awesome_ in bed that one time they'd slept together, and she was also kind of cute—if you weren't too into boobs, and anyway she's a lot hotter with her shirt off. Like when she's riding him half-drunk in the hazy dark of his room—and fucking Christ he was not supposed to still think of her like that after all of these years.

Except was he now? Now that they would be together again…even if it would only be for a few months? It was really too much for him to wrap his head around, and he'd never been the best at word problems, and he was definitely not a philosophy major. He shook his head after he realized that he'd been standing in the parking lot looking like a total dipwad for a few minutes. Rachel always made him think really hard, and he didn't always pay attention to his surroundings when he was in a Rachel induced thought coma.

He was always thinking about ways to win her over or the cute little way she scrunched her nose when she thought. Of course, none of his hair-brained plans for wooing ever really worked out. Even wanting to be with Rachel hadn't really changed his general outlook or disposition. It was more like added incentive to keep being that same cocky guy. After all, hadn't she had sex with cocky Finn? Mostly, Rachel was just this giant puzzle to him. He liked to think that he knew something about girls. At least as a college student, he liked to think that.

Sure he'd had his share of absolutely terrifying high school relationships, but he'd kept those firmly in the past when he went to college, and now he thought he had something that resembled 'game' on the rather large campus. He never went without a date on a Friday night if he wanted one, but Rachel kept evading him.

For him, this forced arrangement was something of a blessing. Of course, he knew that, if anything, it would make Rachel even more resistant, but he also knew that if he could actually spend more time with her, he might be able to finally, _finally_win her over.

:.:.:

After the meeting with her fathers she was still fuming. How dare they? How dare they do this to her! Leaving her high and dry with no choice by to date the one boy she wanted to avoid more than anything else. The one person who had seen her at her weakest and taken advantage of her and… she was absolutely livid. It wasn't like her fathers had played a big role in her life before this. They were always too busy trying to run the business. Too busy for dance recitals and school plays and _their daughter._ Rachel drove away from the large corporate building the tears starting to prick at the corners of her eyes. It was a short drive to her apartment, but the tears started leaking as soon as she hit the second traffic light.

She couldn't even look at Finn without remembering too much_. The feel of his hands against her skin. "More…" Insistent whispers in a dark room. "Harder." _ He hadn't taken her virginity. That had gone to Jesse St. James during her junior year of high school, but Finn had affected her more than he should have. More than she should have allowed. _"Shit." Pain. Blood. Sudden realization. Hospital._

Rachel sat at the front of the intersection lost in her memories until a honk from behind her shocked her out of her stupor.

After they'd first slept together, she and Finn had kind of dated. She liked him. She had actually more than liked him, and it felt good to be with someone who knew about her dads' horrible parenting, but things change, and really it was for both of their benefit when she started ignoring him. She was embarrassed, and it hurt to look at him.

She kept driving trying to forget about the specifics of the situation that led to her cutting ties with Finn. _Stupid, naïve, drunk as hell. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Busy, stressed, blood._

Calls that went un-returned until he finally showed up at her dorm one day with a bouquet of flowers.

"_Whatever I did, I'm sorry."_ _He's standing outside her door at eleven o'clock at night. She can't forgive him because he did nothing wrong. She's the one that needs forgiveness except she just can't tell him._

"_It's just not working." _Lie. Lie, lie, lie, Rachel_. Just like her daddies taught her. Keep lying and it will all just go away._

"_I thought…" He looks so heartbroken. Dejected._

_ "Last time I checked, you're not much of a thinker," that's right. Twist that knife deeper. Make it sting so that he'll stop. So that he won't come back. She really doesn't want him around anymore. He already knows too much and not enough._

_ "I'm not giving up on you."_

_ "You should."_

_ He leaves the flowers at her door anyway. She steps on them as she rushes to class the next morning. Another beautiful thing dead in her wake. Dead from her inability to notice and perceive. _

Her dads had no idea what they were getting into when they set this entire deal up. She hadn't told them about Finn. She hadn't told them about anything in years. They didn't even bother pretending to care anymore. The last real conversation they'd had had been about her major freshman year.

They'd threatened to not pay for her education if she didn't major in business. She'd threatened to never speak to them again. In the end, she'd won the battle, but not the war. She was juggling an insane double major in theater arts and business all to please fathers who hadn't given an honest fuck about her since the day she turned eight, and could be left full-time with the nanny.

She hadn't realized how hard she'd been crying until she almost missed the open parking space right in front of her building. Rachel had ended up skipping her last two classes of the day in the process of her trip to her fathers' office so she made her way up the steps with only her backpack and dignity. As a start to the spring semester, today had sucked. She quickly mounted the three stories to get to the apartment that she'd shared with her best friend Santana since last spring when they'd both finally decided to move off-campus.

"It's about time. I thought your last class ended at two on Monday—what happened to you, and why are you crying?" Rachel swiped her hand under her eye doing her best to dry the tears that had been steadily falling for a little over half an hour.

Rachel pressed her back against the closed door and slumped down resting her head on her knees. "It's finally happening, Tana. The entire universe is against me."

"You'll understand why I take that exclamation with a grain of salt." Santana got up from where she'd been painting her toenails on the couch and walked over to Rachel, "What is it this time, Diva?"

Rachel lifted her head from her knees to look at her roommate, "The Daddies Berry, are making me date Finn Hudson. It's some… some _shit_ about the companies merging and it looking better for business. I can't do it Tana. I can't look at him and pretend to date him and… I can't!"

"Heavy. They still don't know about—"

"NO! You're the only other person who knows, and I'm not telling them. They're making me do it anyway."

Santana shook her head from side to side blowing out a breath between her teeth, "Ok, Berrylicious, here's how this is gonna go. You're going to get up, and I am going to cook you some of that awesome vegetable curry that I know you love, and then we're going to watch a shitty, girly movie."

"I have a date with him on Friday, and he's in my Monday, Wednesday, Friday history class," Rachel added.

She took the hand that Santana was leaning down to her and slowly got up from the floor. "You can do it, chica. What's one little date anyway? And during class you should actually be paying attention."

"It's six months, San. I'm supposed to pretend to date him for six months."

"Well fuck."

:.:.:

Rachel ignored him for the rest of the week except to confirm that he'd made plans for Friday night. She informed him that he would be picking her up at seven PM sharp, and he would have been remiss to argue with her. The ice queen routine had been stepped-up ten-fold over the last week, and she barely even glanced at him during class. They mystery of Rachel Berry was one that had plagued him ever since that first night. It had only intensified over the passing years as she'd avoided him more and more. He'd never even been able to determine why she'd started avoiding him freshman year.

One day they were making plans to go out to dinner again, and the next he was outside of her dorm begging her to tell him what was wrong.

It wasn't the most orthodox way of doing things, but Finn hoped that he might finally get some answers during this six month adventure in courtship.

**AN: **Alright, you know what to do. Leave speculation on Rachel's secret in your reviews ;). Also, lots and lots of hugs and kisses for my awesome beta Sam (sdl90) who is the best brain twin ever!


	3. Chapter 3

**AN:** Thanks again to my beta, Sam or sdl90 as you may know her :).

She was just so tired of juggling her double major. This semester she was stuck juggling 18 credits not even including her theater workshops and the spring musical, and now, her fathers expected her to pretend to date Finn Hudson when she didn't even have enough time for a _real _boyfriend.

Her final workshop on Friday ended at 5:30 which gave her just enough time to run back to her apartment and get ready for dinner. Earlier in the week she'd checked to make sure that Finn had made a reservation, and he'd assured her that he had at a place called Finelli's. He'd told her that it was an Italian place and to dress "Business casual… like dark jeans or something. Nothing too fancy—unless-uh—you want to wear a dress—because you look really good in dresses." She had to admit that his bumbling had been a little adorable.

But for all its charming cuteness his rambling had left her at a loss of what to wear. She wanted to still look good without really inviting any advances from him. Rachel had had a hard enough time making him go away the first time around, and she had no interest in breaking his heart again. There was no way in hell she was ever _actually_ going to date him again because it hurt too much just to look at him and remember. Part of her still wondered what life would be like if she'd been honest with him. Maybe things would have worked out.

Life couldn't be planned around maybes though. Rachel let herself into her shared apartment with Santana throwing her keys onto the table and peeling off her shirt as she walked. Santana was busy on campus until 6:30 so she had the apartment to herself until Finn came to pick her up. Turning on her music she started to meander around the apartment, shirtless, looking for the top she wanted to wear. She found it on the back of the couch with a note pinned to it from Santana. _I knew you'd want this one. You have this, chica. You're stronger than you think._ She had to smile because her roommate knew her more than anyone.

Rachel slipped on the silky silver and black printed top loving the feel of it against her skin. It was her favorite shirt—a little silk number that she'd gotten in Paris last spring when her daddies had agreed to pay for her and Tana to go to France. Being neglected did have its monetary perks. Rachel ambled back to her room looking through her closet before picking a pair of her dark navy skinny jeans and some killer heels. Santana liked to call them "fuck-me" stilettos, and while Rachel didn't really appreciate the vulgar nature of that name, she did enjoy the added confidence and height boost.

Finally, she made her way into the bathroom. Rachel looked at herself in the mirror taking time to study the too large curve of her nose, the small bump of her breasts, the way her lips looked small and pale over her teeth because she'd been too rushed to put on make-up this morning. She quickly found her red lipstick swiping it along the curves over her upper lip, and then smoothing it along her lower lip before rubbing them together. Better. She looked more alive now.

She lined her eyes with black liner—just enough to make her already large eyes look even more dramatic, and she was ready to go. All in all, she'd had just enough to get ready before she heard Finn's steady knock on the door. Running out of the bathroom and nearly tripping on one of Santana's books she quickly pressed the power button on the iPod dock before grabbing her keys, clutch, and jacket.

:.:.:

Christ, he was nervous. More than nervous. His palms were sweating against the steering wheel as he drove to her building. This was going to be it. He'd finally get to go on another date with her for the first time in years. There was no way she could back out of this. Part of him really felt bad about this entire arrangement, but a bigger part of him wanted answers. He'd been chasing the confusing mystery of Rachel Berry for years, and he still hadn't figured out whatever had triggered her initial disinterest in him.

At first, they'd hit it off. They wouldn't go anywhere without each other, and he'd really thought that they'd found something special. Until she just stopped returning his calls. When he finally showed up at her dorm with a bouquet of flowers, it was too late. Something had gone wrong, and he no longer had Rachel Berry.

To his knowledge no one else had had her in this span of time either. Rachel's double major kept her busy, and he'd never heard any tales of her dating anyone, which only added to her mystery. Maybe she was actually a lesbian, but she didn't want anyone to know? She was roommates with Santana Lopez, but if that was the case, then why wouldn't she just tell everyone. It wasn't like her gay dads were going to judge her for it.

That couldn't be it though. At least, she'd done a damn fine job of acting attracted to him if she was a lesbian. The sex had been _awesome._ Even if it was only once and highly inebriated.

He just couldn't stop thinking about having sex with her. Like, it was physically impossible for him to not remember flashes of that night randomly. Something inside him had changed that night. Rachel had opened him up to something that he hadn't even known he could have, and then just as easily she'd ripped it away.

It didn't do him any good to dwell on what had gone down when nearly four years later he still hadn't made any progress figuring out her motives behind cutting ties with him. Finn pulled into a space in front of her building shaking his head like he was trying to dispel the thoughts that kept reappearing in his mind.

Rachel lived in a pretty nice walk-up that he was about a hundred percent certain her dads paid for. He just couldn't picture Princess Berry doing any work other than her schoolwork, and that kept her busy enough. He never saw her with less than twenty pounds of books in her oh-so-stylish Prada book bag that her daddies also paid for. He wasn't really one to talk about parents paying for things because of his prep-school upbringing and what-not, but Finn at least still remembered what it was like before his mom married Burt.

He'd grown up in this shit little town in upstate New York, and then one day when he was eight his mom came home with some new guy, and his life was just different from then on. Burt really was a great guy, and he'd paid for Finn's education, but that didn't mean that Finn got things handed to him on a silver platter like Rachel did. But then again, he was well aware how imperfect her life really was.

_ The house is thumping with the base beat of the stereo, and everything is too warm with the heat of bodies pressing in around him. He's never really been one for parties, but this is fun in its own way. Someone comes up behind him pressing a little too closely as he refills his cup at the tap, and he's about to yell at Puck because _dude! Personal space!_ Except it isn't Puck._

_ He's seen her around before. A girl who is way too tightly strung with the schedule that means she's in more classes than should be legal. Rumor around campus is that she's actually a mental patient because she's just that hyper. Something about her expression throws him off though. "Refill?" he asks gesturing to the keg._

_ She looks at him for a moment that seems to last too long. Her large eyes seem to get even bigger, and they glitter with promises that he's not sure he can help her keep. He thinks that she's finally about to say something, but she just nods. He fills up her red plastic cup, and she takes a swig wincing at the taste. Leaning up she whispers in his ear. It's almost too quiet to hear in the thrumming activity of the party, but he leans low enough that her hot breath brushes across his cheek, "Do you want to get shit-faced with me?"_

_ His throat goes dry because _how the fuck do you respond to that?_ She pulls away licking her lips in a way that should be illegal. "Come on, Finn. I know you know how to show a girl a good time. That's all I want right now." Through his half-drunken haze a phrase from thousands of TV shows comes to him. Ulterior motives. But he's too far gone, and she's too sexy for him to care._

_ "I—I don't even know your name," he chokes out._

_ She leans toward him again her lips far too close to his skin, "Rachel," and she brushes her lips against his cheek leaving it with a slightly sticky imprint of lip gloss. She has his heart hammering and his mind racing._

_ A sweaty palm takes her hand in his, "Well, Rachel," her name sounds perfect on his lips, "Let's go get shit-faced."_

Their first night together could have gone a thousand different ways. Her dads could have been at her show. He could have stayed in his room instead of going to the party. But fate apparently has a sense of humor. He knocked on her door, all the while, thinking about that first night. Tumbling into his room with a bottle of Jack.

Rachel opened the door looking hotter than should be allowed for someone who apparently didn't want to be with you. "You look—uh—really nice, Rachel."

She locked her door before turning to him and flashing one of those megawatt smiles of hers. "You look quite… handsome yourself, Finn. Now let's get this over with."

"You really know how to make a guy feel special don't you?" He said it under his breath, but she seemed to pick up on it as he helped her put on her coat.

"Oh what? Big playboy Finn Hudson is upset that he has to go on a date with little old me? Typical." He rolled his eyes at her. Finn really didn't want to fight, but something about her attitude was just rubbing him the wrong fucking way.

He started walking down the hall not looking over his shoulder as he spoke to her, "You're the one who ended it with me, Rachel. You're the one who won't even tell me what the fuck I ever did wrong."

:.:.:

Finn was standing at her door wearing a button down shirt and slacks and looking like some kind of GAP model. She had to catch herself because really he did look kind of… delectable. So she had to lay on the disdain a little more thickly just to remind herself why this was such a terrible idea.

And then he had to open his fat mouth about her _never telling him,_ and she was reminded all over again why this would never work out. Ever. He started walking away not even looking back to make sure that she was coming with him. She just couldn't find a way to explain that it wasn't his fucking fault. It was all her fault. It always would be.

"Look. We have to pretend to like each other for six months so let's just not bring up the past. It doesn't matter anymore anyway." She ran to catch up with him in her insane heels, and already she was regretting dressing the way she had.

Finn turned to face her as she placed her hand on his shoulder. "I don't get you, Rachel."

She looked down at her feet dropping her hand from his shoulder, "That's the point, Finn. Now let's just go to dinner." He shook his head at her, but sighed in a way that she took to mean that he'd given up, at least for the night.

They drove to the restaurant in anything but a comfortable silence. Neither of them said another word until he pulled her chair out for her, and she had to say thank you. "This is… really nice, Finn. Thank you for doing this for me."

"Yeah well, you're supposed to be my girlfriend, and I'm actually a pretty decent boyfriend when I get the chance to be."

She glared at him for having the audacity to say something like that, "Drop it, Finn," she said turning to glare at her menu.

"Drop it like you dropped me?" She flung her menu on the table causing a satisfying clinking of porcelain and silverware. Rachel bit her lip trying to push back the burning feeling of tears that had started at the back of her throat. "Fuck. Are you crying? Shit. I didn't mean to make you cry."

"I said drop it."

"Consider it dropped."

As far as first dates went, it sucked.

**AN:** As far as third chapter went, this was actually pretty good ;).


	4. Chapter 4

**AN:** Updates should be back to once a week or so again. I had an insane two weeks, but things should be back to normal now. No beta on this chapter so all mistakes are mine.

_God damn it!_ She was late to class. Rachel Berry was never late for class. Especially not an eleven o'clock class. She swore underneath her breath as she rushed into the building and up the steps to try and get to the correct room on time. Her phone told her the truth; she was already five minutes late. She opened the door as quietly as she could while the professor stopped lecturing to glare at her.

She bobbed her head down quickly looking for a seat, but the only open one was right in front of Finn. Of course, it was. With a barely muted sigh, she sat down in front of him sloughing off her coat as she pulled her notebook and a pen out of her bag. Once she had finally been seated, the professor once again started to talk about… something. Rachel had been late for one very specific reason, and part of it was sitting behind her. She'd had an ass-kicker of a morning, and the long finger that keeps pressing between her shoulder blades wasn't helping.

:.:.:

She got up like any other morning, going for her run outside since it wasn't too cold in the city before treating herself to a flaxseed muffin and a fresh coffee at the little café just down the block from her apartment. After her disaster of a date on Friday, she'd spent the entire weekend trying to think of a way to approach her fathers about this entire thing again, and she thought that she finally had a plan.

Showering and getting ready for her day rather slowly because she didn't have class until eleven, Rachel even took the time to water some of the houseplants before she was in the car by nine to go visit her fathers with her plea.

She spent twenty minutes arguing thoughtfully, thirty begging, sixteen crying, and finally twelve yelling, slamming doors, and cleaning herself up in the bathroom before she got back in her car having accomplished nothing besides making herself late.

:.:.:

Her thoughts kept swirling around the entire class, and she barely took any notes. As the professor dismissed the class, she did her best to pack up quickly in hopes of avoiding Finn as he'd been poking her in the back the entire time. Thankfully, her shitty luck held, and instead of letting her leave with some of her dignity and an icy shoulder, Finn grabbed her wrist saying her name before she could get out the door.

"What, Finn. What could you possibly want right now?" Her voice wasn't nearly as controlled as it should have been. Her jaw too tight to really form the words, and so they came out with extra venom. She felt bad as soon as she took that tone with him.

He dropped his hand from her body stepping back and sucking in a breath through his teeth. "I just… you've been ignoring my calls. And my texts. I wanted to check in on you. Make sure that you're ok, which you're clearly not, what's wrong Rachel?"

The laugh that bubbled to her lips was hard and bitter, "Like you don't know."

"Just stop it," he snapped at her, "Stop acting like I don't get it. Stop acting like I never cared for you and that you are little miss perfect up on your pedestal. I have no idea what I ever did to piss you off so much, but we're in this together now so stop biting my head off every time I try and do something nice."

She glared at him for a moment before he made an observation, "You were crying again." Rachel ducked her head rubbing at her eyes. She'd thought she'd done a pretty good job of cleaning herself up. "Let me take you for coffee. It's the least I can do."

The need to say no was paramount in her mind. She couldn't get close to him again, but there was an earnestness in his eyes that she couldn't resist. A certain tilt to his head that helped her to realize he really had no idea what she needed so desperately to hide from him, and that he just wanted to help. He was probably at his most intoxicating when he just wanted to help.

_ She is absolutely pissed. Livid beyond belief. Her first starring role and they don't even show up. They're even in the city. Probably at some restaurant toasting their own amazing talents. At that moment, she can't stand her fathers._

_ Her co-star actually invites her to the party before promptly ditching her. For some reason, going to the party seemed like a good idea until she'd gotten there. Like a proper _fuck you_ to her fathers, but she really doesn't belong in places like this with thumping bass beats and cigarettes and weed and too much alcohol. Alcohol. And now she has her plan of attack. The only problem is, she doesn't really care for the taste of beer, and her red solo cup is already empty._

_ She makes her way through the crowd to find the keg, and as she sees him bending over she adds another step to her master plan. Rachel never does things like this, but she's just drunk enough, and just angry enough that she goes for it._

_ Her flirting is atrocious, but she can tell that he's just drunk enough, and she's just hot enough that neither of them cares. She slips a small, sweaty hand into his as he tugs her away from the permeating head of bodies at the party, and upstairs to a place that she can only assume is his room. He smiles this dopey little grin at her before he kind of gestures to his bed and rummages in his closet for something._

_ She has no idea what the fuck she's doing._

_ She's never done this._

_ Rachel has never gotten drunk. Never flirted with an almost stranger. Never felt so reckless and euphorically depressed. The smell of Finn's room is intoxicating. A mix of cologne and shampoo and a little hint of laundry detergent and books, and the view of his ass as he searches for whatever it is he's searching for is enough to hold her attention._

_ His shirt rides up exposing a line of pale flesh along with the elastic rim and beginnings of a pair of orange boxers. Grinning triumphantly, he turns around wielding a bottle of Jack Daniels. It'll work perfectly for what she intends._

Rachel sucked her lower lip between her teeth before nodding her head, "Coffee would be lovely actually. We have a lot to discuss."

:.:.:

He'd been calling her all weekend. Texting her at least ten times a day. He didn't know what else he could do and when she showed up for class late her eyes looking swollen, he got even more worried. He knew that their date had gone poorly, but he was trying, and he was pretty sure that her tears had nothing to do with his behavior. He wasn't even the one who had been testy on Friday.

Finn didn't want to keep this up. The constant bickering and withholding of information, and Rachel not responding to him has him worried him even more. Part of him still cared for her—a lot—and that part had spent the better part of the weekend freaking out because she had been so quiet for most of their date, and then gone radio silent. If he knew anything, it was that Rachel Berry was a talker.

At the end of class, he finally just worked up the courage and grabbed her wrist to stop her from storming out on him again. He really just doesn't get women. Rachel was all pissy and moody until he finally spoke his mind about everything, and then she just said yes. For once, she just agreed to go get coffee with no fight or attitude. They were in this together, and like it or not they still had six months, and whether or not they made the best of it was on their shoulders.

They walked out of the history building together, and he held the door for her as she ducked her head a little embarrassed, and he did his best not to notice how adorable it was that the air made her cheeks a little pinker. Finn took a chance linking his finger through hers. She flinched a little and tried to pull away hissing, "What the hell are you doing?"

"We're supposed to be dating," he answered simply, and she rolled her eyes at him sighing to add emphasis. She didn't remove her hand from his though.

The entire walk to the coffee shop he was a little lost in how tiny and perfect her hand felt in his. Her skin was soft to the touch and warm the tiny crescents of her nails dragging lightly across the back of his hand. Finn's hand basically engulfed hers his fingers bending back up along the back of her hand so that they were almost touching her wrist. He really liked holding hands with her.

He opened the door of the café to a warm rush of coffee-scented, steamy air. As soon as they were through the door she dropped his hand and slipped off her coat leading the way to the counter. Rachel ordered some frilly, girly winter spice latte thing, and he asked the barista for a medium coffee. "You want to grab a table, Rachel?" He suggested as he walked towards the coffee station against the back wall.

Finn doctored his coffee the usual way with just a splash of skim milk and was walking back to the table she'd picked just as her name was called to get her drink. The table was too small for his long legs, and they bumped against hers as he smiled a little sheepishly. Rachel's face broke out into a grin as she playfully shoved his knees away from her. It felt good to see her smile.

A tentative finger played in the foam of her drink before bringing it to her lips and licking it clean. Without even trying, Rachel was way too sexual for her own good. She took a sip, moaning lightly because apparently it was very good. Setting it back down, she turned to him a conspiratorial gleam in her eye, "Now, what do you want to talk about?"

He took a sip of his own coffee before answering her, "This," he gestured between them with a hand, "Us. This entire situation."

"What's there to talk about? We play pretend in public for six months go to a few company dinners and a couple dates. I am an actress," something about her tone threw him off, but he shook his head a little at her idea of what this should be.

Finn swirled his swizzle stick in his drink again, "But I'm not. That's not me, Rachel. I can't just pretend something like this, and then have you yelling at me and ignoring me whenever we're not in couple mode. Have you talked to your dads at all about what's expected…"

"What do you mean what's expected? We're supposed to pretend to be dating for like six months, and by then we won't need to anymore," she took another sip of her drink wiping the white foam off of her upper lip with her tongue.

He couldn't believe that they didn't tell her. Again. He should, he knew what kind of men they were. How shittily they treat their only daughter, but he expected them to at least tell her all of it. "Oh wow. Oh Rachel…" his voice trailed off as he pressed his lips together shaking his head, "Your dads are real assholes, you know. We're supposed to be engaged around four months. Preferably living together."

Her jaw dropped. He was probably lucky she hadn't been holding her drink. "W—wha—WHAT?" She sputtered, "I—I can't—oh my God."

"Rachel it's no big d—"

"Don't. Don't you dare tell me this isn't a big deal, Finn Hudson.

:.:.:

She'd thought it was bad before. She'd really thought that having to date him would be the worst thing ever. Having to see him and pretend to be in love with him and go on dates. But to live with him. For two months. She couldn't do it.

His hand reached across the table, and he placed it on her forearm with an even pressure trying to reassure her. "Rachel, calm down. It's months away and not the end of the world. We'll be fine."

She couldn't do it. There was no way in hell that she could spend so much time with him, and not feel absolutely awful about herself. One way or another she knew that her secret would have to come out, and she really wasn't ready for that conversation.

But there was no way out short of running away and joining the circus. Her fathers had threatened to cut her off, and she didn't have a job or a way of getting one with all of her classes. Apparently, by April she'd be cohabitating with the one man who knew way too many of her secrets.

"Of course," she said with a breath, "Of course, it isn't the end of the world. Just an added surprise."

"Ok?"

"Ok."

"So what's the plan Ms. Berry? You are a planner aren't you?" He smiled at her a little nervously his dimples doing wonders to relax her tightening chest.

"The plan is in public we're a couple. And I'll try to be nicer."

"And you'll return my calls and texts," he hinted.

With an embarrassed smile, she ducked her head, "And I'll return your calls and texts."

He placed his hand on the table, palm up, and she gently put hers in his threading their fingers together, "That's all I can ask. I missed you, Rachel."

"Watch yourself, Hudson."

"Yes, ma'am."

**AN:** All the feedback on this story has been so humbling. As of right now, it has 97 alerts which is INSANE. Thank you all for your alerts and favorites and reviews. It really means a lot to me. Happy Gleeking!


	5. Chapter 5

**AN:** Someone once told me that about five chapters in was just about the right spot to include some smut. So that means the rating goes up this chapter. Hope you guys like it.

Pretending to date Finn… wasn't the worst thing she'd ever done. It had been a few weeks already, and she's been slowly getting used to him again. There was no way in hell she'd ever let him get close to her again, but it felt nice to have someone other than Santana caring about her. He liked to bring her coffee to class and hold her hand as he walked her back to her car. It was sweet.

That didn't mean that she wasn't still constantly on guard, but she did her best to keep her claws firmly sheathed. It wasn't fair to either of them for her to act like she had been. They had to work together if they really wanted to make it through this. He'd taken her on a few other dates always too busy but intimate restaurants—the kind of places that made sure they would be seen. She couldn't help but hate how she was starting to remember what a nice guy he really was. Underneath all of the bravado and frat-boy exterior, Finn was kind of a sweetheart.

He'd taken to sitting behind her in history class and then walking her to her Shakespearian theater class that she had right after it, and today was no different. When the professor dismissed them, Finn grabbed her bag throwing it over his shoulder and taking her hand as they walked away from the classroom. "So Rachel, I was thinking you should come over for family dinner. Meet my mom and stuff?" He said holding the door open for her when they stepped outside.

"Isn't that a little much? I mean… I'm not really your girlfriend. Is there a real reason for me to meet her?" She still didn't want to get any closer to him than absolutely necessary. All of this cute flirty stuff in public was fine but meeting his mother—that meant emotions. That means feelings and connection and things she really didn't have the gall to deal with. She'd loved Finn Hudson once, and it nearly destroyed her when she could no longer look at him, and she wasn't willing to fall into that same trap again. Rachel had secrets that she intended on keeping and eating dinner with his mother wouldn't help with that goal at all.

He held her hand a little more tightly in his and put on his best 'convincing Rachel' face, "Come on, Rach—"

"Ah—hey! What's the rule?"

"I'm not allowed to call you 'Rach,'" He said chagrinned.

Satisfied she nodded approvingly, "Yes. Now continue."

"As I was saying," he poked her in the side and made her giggle, "I think it's a good idea for you to meet my mom. She's really awesome, and she's going to make a great pretend-future-in-law in a few months. I want you to get to know her now."

They stopped in front of the theater building as Finn gave her bag back, "Fair enough. When are you planning this?"

"Great! Tonight at mom and Burt's penthouse. Mom's making some vegan lasagna thing for you. I'll pick you up at 6:15?" Rachel stood there and sputtered a little at him.

"Really? You didn't even think of asking me earlier or…" again she said, "Really? I can't believe you wouldn't even think about making arrangements for if I said no. What if I have work to do? I am in a lot of classes, Finn."

"Rach," This time she didn't correct him. She wasn't sure if he did it on purpose to annoy her or if it was just a reflex, but she didn't feel like correcting him again, "Calm down. I'm sure you won't have work and if you do I can stay up and keep you company. This means a lot to my mom, and I figured I would be able to convince you."

She rolled her eyes at him and he ducked down a little. Rachel knew what was coming, and she quickly turned her head so that his soft lips brushed against her cheek. Kissing him would be too much.

_ "Okay, here's a good question. Why the hell is a girl like you at a party like this?" It's not quite a slur because he's not quite drunk—yet._

_ She smirks at him liking the feeling of wickedness it brings her. She feels _bad._ "I have daddy issues. Two of them. Who didn't show up to my first starring performance." With every swig she takes from the bottle, it burns a little less._

_ Rachel is most of the way to drunk, and Finn doesn't seem too far behind. "Daddy issues? That's no reason to come to me. I'm not really the 'shoulder to cry on' type, Rach." After the third swig he'd started calling her Rach. She kind of really likes it._

_ She laughs whole-heartedly, "That's rich. I'm not looking for a shoulder to cry on, sweetie. I'm looking for a good time. Your reputation precedes you and to my delight you even had some good whiskey stashed away." To prove her point she takes another swig before passing it back to him. They're lying on his bed each of them on their side facing each other. She can count every freckle on the bridge of his nose in the yellow half-light of his bedside lamp._

_ "I'm glad I can be of service." His hand is on her hip now; the bottle of Jack has been laid aside. The large palm ghosts under her shirt before dipping back under her shorts to stroke the soft flesh between her panties and her hip bone. Her breath is coming in harsh pants already as they both lean forward into a whiskey flavored kiss._

_ She's never kissed anyone like this before. Finn rolls their bodies so that his weight is resting on top of her. His lips are softer than she expected on her own as his teeth nip at her bottom lip. The whiskey and the anger have her just loose enough that she doesn't really think about anything. There is the feel of his cock as she presses her hand against it in his pants. The sound of his zipper and the pant of breath near her ear as his tongue works at her neck._

_ There is the feeling of air hitting her nipples as he takes her shirt and bra off. The feeling of _Finn_ everywhere. She's not really new to this. She and Jesse St. James had been intimate a few times back in high school, but she's never done it like this. Fast and dirty and drunk drunk drunk._

_:.:.:_

_ Rachel keeps writhing around like a woman possessed. He can tell that she's really into this as he sucks a pert dark little nipple into his mouth. Finn scrapes his teeth along her sensitive flesh before swirling his tongue around her. Her fingers keep scraping up and down his back. At some point, his shirt had come off too, and now they're both just rolling around doing their best to make each other come apart without actually haven gotten to the sex part yet. Rachel's tiny hand keeps wrapping around his dick and driving him crazy until he finally crashes his lips against hers, again his hands working on undoing her shorts and shoving them down her legs along with her panties._

_ Finn pulls away from her for just a moment to push his own pants down before nestling himself between her legs again. Rachel's legs lock around his hips pulling him closer and closer as she grinds against him. It's nearly too much for him to handle as she whines his name, her whiskey breath fanning across his face. He puts his hand between them guiding himself to her entrance before pushing inside of her._

_ Fuck she is tight. And wet. And he's lucky that his little problem isn't too bad anymore because if he was sixteen he would've blown his load already. Rachel keeps rocking her hips impatiently against his, her heels digging into his backside in an attempt to bring him farther inside of her. Apparently even his thrusting isn't satisfactory enough for her because she somehow manages to use her petite little 5'2'' frame to flip him over. It's really not a bad view._

_ Her breasts bounce in the golden light of his room as she rides him her hair falling out of its ponytail and sticking to her glossy lips. It's cherry lip gloss, and he can still taste it on his lips. Cherries and whiskey and Rachel. It's really not a bad combination._

_ She leans over to kiss him again mumbling how close she is, and he does the gentlemanly thing and brings his hand down to massage her clit. Rachel's nails dig into his shoulders as he muffles her loud moaning with kisses, her internal muscles clenching around him again and again until he comes as well sucking on her tongue. He rolls over slowly, pulling out of her as she comes to rest, laying across his chest._

_ They're hot and sweaty and panting and completely spent when his too drunk brain realizes it. "Fuck." _

_ "What is it, Finny?" Rachel mumbles sleepily from her spot on him._

_ "Shit. I didn't wear a condom. I forgot a fucking—"_

_ She laughs a little, and he's about to call her crazy when she eases his worries, "I'm clean, and I'm on the pill. Please, please, please tell me you don't have herpes or something."_

_ Rachel says it all without lifting her head from its place on his chest, and he has to laugh a little too, "Clean."_

_ "Good. Night, Finny." And Rachel just kind of passes out._

He picked her up at her apartment at a quarter after six exactly as promised. Santana gave him the death glare as per usual, but Rachel seemed to be in a surprisingly happy mood. Her accounting course at the end of the day had apparently gone very well, and she'd even had a pleasant phone conversation with her fathers. He knew her relationship with the two men was tenuous at best so he was glad to hear that she'd had at least one pleasant interaction with them.

"Mom is really excited to meet you, Rachel," He made sure to call her Rachel this time, "Kurt wanted to meet you too, but he has some fashion thing he's doing tonight—maybe another time. You two would get along really well."

Nodding along to his words she asked him a question, "What's your mom's name again? I don't—I don't know why—I'm just nervous about this. I mean it's your _mom._ What if she doesn't like me? And why do I even want her to like me if—if this isn't real and just…"

"Whoa there, Rach, it's just dinner. I'm sure she'll love you, and her name is Carole." It'd been a while since he'd been privy to a Rachel Berry rant, and he had to admit it was one of the few things that made some of those nasty, crazy-person, rumors about her seem true. Rachel had a knack for talking about random things in a circular pattern.

He reached over and grabbed her hand from her lap stroking the delicate skin there and lacing his fingers through hers. They'd been getting more and more tactile in more private places lately, but Rachel still wouldn't let him kiss her—even in public. Finn really wanted to know if she still wore that same lip gloss.

There was a good spot on the street outside of the apartment so he parked there before he greeted the doorman, and he and Rachel walked towards the elevators. The penthouse might be Finn's favorite of all of Burt's properties with the definite exception of the beach house. Still the penthouse had one of the best views in the city—besides the one walking behind Rachel up the steps. He noticed that Rachel had changed from her school outfit into something a little more formal. Her skirt and blouse combination made her look like a librarian. And not the kind that appeared in actual libraries.

Shit, he needed to calm his libido if they were going to be having dinner with his mother, and the girl won't even let him kiss her.

Knocking on the door, Rachel started to fiddle with the hem of his shirt, and he smiled a little at her taking her hand in his again. They'd been doing a lot of hand-holding recently. Carole threw open the door, immediately enveloping both of them in a lopsided hug. "Oh Finn, I'm so happy you two could make it!"

:.:.:

The smell wafting to her from the open door was delicious as Finn's mother held him at arm's length surveying his lanky form with a keen eye and declaring that he needed to eat more, and she had just the thing. Carole invited them into the apartment before turning to Rachel. She was a little shocked at the sheer beauty of it. The entire far wall is a giant window that overlooks Central Park. "And you," Carole said gently gripping Rachel's wrist, "Much be Rachel. I have to say, I've heard an awful lot about you, Miss. Berry."

Rachel let out a nervous laugh, "All good things I hope."

"My son is quite smitten with you, you know. Always has been." Rachel turned to look at Finn and realized that his cheeks were red and he was sending his mother the sign to _JUST PLEASE STOP._

Burt showed up then wearing a nice looking sport coat and holding some glasses of white wine. "I hope none of you mind—I just assumed everyone would like some. Rachel, it's great to see you again. I hear you and Finn are hitting things off again." They each took their glass of wine from Burt before Carole waved them all off to the dining room so she could serve dinner.

The vegan lasagna was absolutely to die for, and Rachel spent the entire evening captivated by the view. Dinner with the Hummel's went exceedingly well. She learned some adorably embarrassing stories about tiny Finn and saw some even more embarrassing photographs. She and Carole even bonded over a shared loathing of spiders when one of them crawled across the floor during the card game after dinner only to be killed by Finn's foot.

As Finn drove her back to her apartment, she couldn't help but think that it wouldn't be all that bad. This life that seemed so normal and happy. And then she remembered. She couldn't do it. She could never have Finn or his family or any of it because of a few stupid mistakes and lies that run too deeply to divulge. She built walls for a reason, and that reason was to keep Finn in the dark, and their new situation doesn't change any of that.

**AN:** Wow, I haven't written smut outside of RP in _ages._ Hope it wasn't too terrible. Please, keep up the awesome feedback guys! I hope you like reading this as much as I love writing it.


	6. Chapter 6

**AN:** Eek. So sorry this took so long. Real life just caught up with me. Thanks to Sam for being the best beta ever :).

The past few weeks had been going better than he's ever expected. Rachel got along fabulously with his mom, and he had a feeling that Carole was doing a hell of a lot to help him win Rachel over. Just because this entire arrangement was merely that, didn't mean that Finn didn't have an ultimate goal in mind, and that goal was to finally understand and capture the love of one Rachel Berry.

He'd gotten so embarrassed when his mom started talking about how smitten he'd been with her for years because it really was embarrassing. Finn really thought that he loved Rachel, and after she'd dumped him so rudely and coldly on his ass, it had taken a few months to get over her. Not that he ever really had as his mother liked to so helpfully point out all the fucking time.

Still, Rachel wouldn't let him inside of her ironclad walls. Her true feelings and emotions were kept well hidden from him, and she still wouldn't let him kiss her. Finn planned to remedy that after the date he was planning for Valentine's Day. He'd gotten tickets to see _Wicked_ on Broadway and a reservation at one of the nicest vegan restaurants he could. It was official. He was trying to woo Rachel Berry. Again.

Watching her chew on her pen during history class was mesmerizing. She had a zeal for learning that he had simply never possessed. It was the same zeal that made her such a good singer and actress and permeated every aspect of her life. Sometimes Finn wished that he could be as driven as the fiery brunette, but he realized that the kind of passion she clung too was rare and beautiful and so very Rachel. He was never really meant to have that kind of drive, but Finn was perfectly content to watch, captivated, as it propelled Rachel.

Finn was the kind of person who could waste an entire opportunity to learn by staring at a girl whose lips were too plump to ignore as she chewed on her fucking pen. Fuck he was going to fail this class. When the professor finally dismissed them, he followed the routine that had become second nature slinging Rachel's bag over his shoulder and walking her to the class that she had next while listening to her talk about something inane. He liked Rachel, he really did, but even Finn had his limits about what he could truly listen to. He cut her off just before they got to the building that her class was in, "That's great, Rachel—listen—I hope you're free this weekend. It's Valentine's weekend, and I was hoping you'd like to come with me to see _Wicked _and go to Terra for dinner."

"Well… yes. Of course, I would love to do that, Finn. Oh, what a good surprise!" She hugged him tightly around the middle before pressing her lips softly against his cheek. Always on the cheek. It was better than nothing, he supposed.

:.:.:

Rachel woke up at six as usual brimming with excitement for their Valentine's date, and then promptly rushed to the bathroom to get violently ill. That was where Santana found her a few hours later curled up on the floor with her pillow trying to catch some sleep where she could sit up and empty the contents of her stomach when nature called.

"Berry, what's wrong with you," The Latina said shaking her friend awake.

Rachel looked up groggily before shaking her head to try and clear away the headache that was forming. "Flu—I think. I'm all achy and sick." Rachel put her head back down on her pillow trying to push away the feeling of imminent nausea. It was funny how these things worked. She hadn't felt like this since… she'd thought it was the flu then too. This time she was sure of it though. She hadn't had sex with anyone in months. There was no way it could be that this time. Still her mind kept putting the pieces together.

"So no date with lover boy tonight? Want me to call him?" Santana started to rub her back pulling her hair away as Rachel bolted upright and started to dry-heave. Her stomach had been empty since about seven, and it hadn't had much in it to begin with. Still, out of reflex, Rachel wiped her mouth when she finally stopped gagging.

"I can call him, 'Tana. I feel so bad about this. He had the perfect night planned, and I was really looking forward to— don't give me that look Santana. He had reservations for Terra and seats to _Wicked_. I was excited about it!"

Santana hummed skeptically, "Rachel, it's not smart for you to get attached to him like this. I know he's being all sweet and nice but… you can't do this with him if you're not going to tell him about the miscarriage. And I know you're not. It's not fair to either of you to—"

"What isn't fair is that my fathers are making me date him. What isn't fair is he makes me so happy, and I just know that the moment he found out that he would hate me. Sometimes I still hate me 'Tana!" Rachel exploded pulling away from her best friend.

_She's so excited. They have a date tonight. A real, live, actual date. He's taking her to this little street fair carnival thing that the school is having. The only problem is she feels so bad. Rachel's been throwing up most mornings all week. She'd caught a whiff of cream cheese in the dining hall the other morning and had to hightail it back to the bathroom before she threw-up all over her tray._

_There really isn't any rhyme or reason to why she's feeling so off. Rachel should probably go to the doctor, but she's pushing it off because most days she feels better by eleven o'clock. Finn has been great getting her a ginger ale every morning when he comes to walk her to class._

_She's not sure if they're dating. She's planning on asking him to make it official tonight at the carnival—that is if she can stop making her stomach churn. This time it was the smell of Santana's waffles. They were just too sweet and doughy for Rachel's senses to handle. She's brushing her teeth when Finn knocks on the door. She's sure that it's Finn because after being together for a few weeks she recognizes his knock. Two quick taps and a final, more thudding, rap. Mumbling around her toothbrush for him to come in, Rachel runs a quick hand through her hair trying to look like she hasn't just been vomiting._

_Of course, Finn seems to know anyway. "Babe, were you sick again?" She spits into the sink swilling some water in her mouth and nodding. "Are you sure you don't want me to take you to the doctor? Maybe you should have it checked out. I mean it's been a week now…"_

"_I'm fine. I swear—I'm starting to feel better already. I can't get sick anyway—I have the show coming up soon!" Her tone is too bright, even for her._

:.:.:

It may be a Saturday, but that didn't stop Burt from making him come in. Kurt had decided that his passion in life lay in fashion, and so, by default, Finn was going to take over Hummel Industries when the time came. Since he was graduating in the spring, Burt was doing more and more to integrate Finn into the company, and that included coming in on Saturday morning to help do some filing.

He drudged through the menial paperwork looking forward to his date with Rachel the entire time. Finn knew that he wouldn't win her over instantly with a nice vegan dinner and a Broadway musical, but he also knew that it couldn't hurt. Of course, his plans came tumbling down when she called him. His phone started to vibrate in his pocket, and Finn looked down to see that Rachel was calling him. Excitedly he picked up—he was usually the one calling her. "Rachel, hey," he said with a smile in his voice.

Her voice sounded weak and raspy coming through the speaker, "Finn, look I am so sorry about this. I think I have the flu or something. I have to cancel for tonight—I can't stop dry heaving, and I just feel so awful about cancelling on you but—"

"Whoa there, Rachel. Calm down. I totally get it. You're—you're sick," his mind was racing with thoughts of when they were together. She had been sick for a few weeks before she'd broken up with him. If you could call suddenly ignoring him "breaking up." She started to say goodbye, but he interrupted her, "Can I come over anyway? Like would you be ok with it? I can cook you dinner, and we can watch _Funny Girl_. I don't want you to be locked all alone with Santana. I know she's not the most sympathetic person." And to his surprise she actually agreed to let him come over.

Finn showed up at her apartment around six—the same time he had originally planned on picking her up. Santana was running around between her bedroom and the bathroom clearly getting ready for her own date, and Rachel was nestled into a cocoon of blanket and pillows on the couch. She looked tired and a little drawn, but her face still lit up when she saw him. "Finn!" She practically beamed. He put the groceries he had gotten into the kitchen before walking back and pressing a soft kiss to her forehead much to her displeasure because, "I'm _sick_, Finn. I don't want you to get sick too." Finn sat down next to her on the couch his arm naturally reaching across to go over her shoulders and pull her closer to him. She was watching some kind of horrible reality television about little girls who competed in beauty pageants.

After realizing that he just couldn't watch it, Finn decided to start making dinner. Santana glared at him standing in the kitchen as he filled his pot with water while she leaned down to hug Rachel goodbye. As much as Rachel had hated him during the period of shunning, Santana had always seemed to hate him more.

Finn made spaghetti with red sauce and vegetables—nothing compared to what they would have gotten at Terra, but it was vegan and about the most complicated thing that he could make without the risk of hurting himself or her kitchen. Rachel thanked him quietly as he put the movie in and sat back down beside her. They toasted glasses of red Gatorade because Rachel was in no state to be drinking and started to watch _Funny_ _Girl._

Halfway through her bowl of pasta, Rachel bolted up running most of the way to the bathroom before he could hear the telltale sounds of retching. Now he'd done it. He'd made her sick. Finn got up, remembering to pause the movie, and walked back to the bathroom. Rachel was hunched over the toilet her body still convulsing with the need to empty itself.

He didn't do too well with vomit, but Finn still leaned down pulling her hair away from her face and rubbing a large palm in circles around her back. When she was finally done, Rachel pulled back pressing down the plunger to flush away the evidence of her sickness and stood on shaky legs to grab her toothbrush. "I'm so sorry you have to see me like this." She said before she hastily started to brush her teeth.

"You're sick, Rachel—I get it. I'm sorry that my food was so bad though," he tried to joke.

:.:.:

"The food was wonderful, Finn—is wonderful. I mean for chopping some carrots and squash and warming them up in tomato sauce it's a really good meal," she joked around with him. It felt so strange to have Finn taking care of her. Something about it felt good. Probably too good.

She and Finn just went together so well. It was effortless to spend time with him. To be exactly who she was. Santana was right—it wasn't fair to either of them for her to have this secret looming overhead, but right now Rachel didn't care. She wanted to be happy for once even at the cost of the truth. At least for now.

**AN:** And the secrets out! Not that most of you didn't guess :). Hopefully the next update comes sooner!


	7. Chapter 7

**AN:** I know it's been forever. I'm so sorry about that.

It was surprisingly warm for March in The City, and Rachel decided that it would be a good day for a jog. After the Valentine's dinner and sickness debacle, Finn had taken it upon himself to always text her first thing in the morning to check in on her. She didn't know what they were doing. At some point the lines had become blurred. She thought that they might actually be friends. They laughed and joked like friends. They held hands in public, and kissed each other on the cheek. Even when they watched movies at one of their apartments, she ended up resting her head on his shoulder… she took a deep breath through her nose letting it out of her mouth as she picked up her pace.

She hadn't been on a good run since winter started, and she needed to clear her head. Rachel honestly had no idea what she was doing with Finn. She liked him. She liked him a lot, and she always kind of had, but how was she supposed to reconcile these new feelings with the old ones? She had kept the biggest secret of her life all because of him… for him… for her… for someone. For some reason. She hadn't known! She didn't do it on purpose—she shook her head turning up the volume of the mindless rock she was jogging to.

In through the nose. Out through the mouth. Step. Step. Thigh to knee to calf extend your foot. Pump arm. In through the nose. Out through the mouth. It still felt like her heart was beating too quickly. It was too early for leaves, but some of the hardier trees were already starting to bud. She felt her phone buzz from its place strapped around her arm, and heard the telltale dinging in her headphones. She loved jogging with her iPhone. She had one guess who it was.

She sprinted the final hundred or so yards out to the main street taking her pulse and deciding that she needed to keep up jogging. For the quick run, her heartbeat was too fast for her liking. She slipped her phone out of the jogging sleeve before starting the walk back to her building as her cool-down. Her instincts had been right. It was Finn. **Hey, Rach, I know that you have that symposium show thing coming up soon, but if you want… well it is St. Pat's. Do you want to come out to the bar tonight? Green beer and whiskey? ;)**

She walked into her favorite little café and got a Vitamin Water wiping the sweat off of her brow with her thin jogging gloves. She kept staring at his text. He'd been listening to her when she complained about the theater symposium coming up just before spring break… that did something funny to her heart. So did the idea of drinking whiskey with Finn again. She'd been on birth control steadily since that time but… she didn't know if she was willing to risk it. Then again she was a grown woman. She could resist her own impulses. As she started the walk-up to her apartment she texted back the appropriate: **Everyone needs a break. Pick me up around 8? Where are we drinking?**

She pushed open the door to the apartment with her foot after she'd unlocked it calling for her roommate, "Santana! I have plans tonight. You don't have to worry about my 'poor lonely ass drinking myself into oblivion and dying of alcohol poisoning _alone'." _She said quoting what the Latina had said about her the other night before they went to bed.

There was merely a grunt from Santana's bedroom that Rachel thought meant, "Fuck you, you woke me up." With Santana it usually did. She checked her phone again not recognizing the place they were going but smiling nonetheless at Finn's willing response. She stuck her phone back on the charger before going to take a shower.

:.:.:.:

He honestly hadn't expected her to say yes so quickly. He'd known Rachel for nearly four years, and she was so not a party girl. Besides that first party they'd met at he hadn't seen her at any others. She preferred to stay in for some quality time with her recorded reality TV. Still, he was really happy that he convinced her to come out. Rachel needed to seriously relax before she ended up in the hospital for being too stressed. The double major really seemed to take its toll on her, and she would never settle for anything less than perfection.

Finn really liked Rachel, and his mom really liked Rachel, and Burt really liked Rachel… everyone liked Rachel, and he just didn't want to jinx it by pushing her too hard. Sure, this entire thing was a scam, but maybe… he had the faintest hope that something was growing between them again. He was still clinging to that tiny little girl who had gotten drunk and rocked his world four years ago. And sure he was kind of a dick, and sure he still kind of is, but she liked that about him. The cockiness just seemed to make her flirt back.

They just worked together, and he needed a way to convince her that they should stay together even after they didn't have to. Hopefully a relaxing night out would help aide his cause. He waffled a little on what to wear before deciding that his green sweater would suffice for not getting pinched, and didn't look too Kurt-ish. Not that he had anything against the dude just… Finn wasn't a fashion plate and he never wanted to be. The drive to Rachel's wasn't too bad for 8 PM in the city, and he made it in pretty decent time before tackling the walk-up. He knocked on her apartment door and was met by one very surly looking Santana, "She told me she had plans, and I finally thought she was getting over your frat boy ass."

"Nice to see you too, Santana," he smiled at her wiping his palms against his jeans a little nervously, "Mind if I come in?" She moved to the side of the door motioning with a swaying hand for him to enter. It looked like Santana had started her party early. "She doesn't need you, gigantor. You hurt her before, and you'll hurt her again. She doesn't need you or this bullshit arrangement from her dads."

He was about to respond with something witty. Well, okay, it probably wouldn't have come out witty, but the plan forming in his head had been pretty good, when Rachel's sharp tone cut in, "Santana!" His gaze turned to find her looking—holy fucking sweet, dirty, sexy hell. He did his best to keep his jaw from dropping. She was wearing this—this tiny little… she looked damn good. Her lips were all glossy and her hair was back in this messy bun. Her t-shirt was a new kind of tiny and pushed her breasts together in just the right way… and those legs in that tiny little mini-skirt… god he was done for.

"Rachel," his voice squeaked. Damn it his voice squeaked! She giggled at him before shooting Santana a look that could melt glass before grabbing her sparkly clutch off of the counter and putting her arm in his.

"Come on, Finn, let's go have a good time." Sure he was used to her being confident. She was Rachel fucking Berry. She might be a little weird and a little intense, but she was nothing if not forward and determined, but even he wasn't used to this side of Rachel. Determined to have fun. It was always, like, studying or something. Never drinking. She was wearing these tiny little firecracker-red heels, and he was worried about her breaking her ankle on the steps so he just slid his arm around her waist. She didn't protest.

He tried to speak again, "You look—ah—wow," he decided. She did that cute little thing where she giggled and ducked her head a little, and he chanced pressing a kiss to her temple. "Thanks for coming out tonight, Rach, I figure just a few drinks… you've just really seemed like you need to relax lately. You can't run yourself into the ground, it isn't healthy."

He didn't know what he'd done wrong but her body immediately tensed against his, and she was quickly pulling herself away from his warm embrace.

:.:.:.:

_ She's tired. She's so tired. She feels cold and shaky and achy, and she just wants to curl up in a little ball with some warm tea and about a thousand Advil. Rachel's just been pushing really hard to get another lead role, and now that she's gotten it, she's been pushing hard to keep it. Because maybe, maybe her fathers will come see her lead roles one of these days, and if they do come, then they need to see her at her best._

_ Dance rehearsals are killing her more than usual, and the musical that they're practicing has choreography based on complicated ballet that she's never studied before, and that her body isn't adjusting to. The dance coach wants her to lose at least another 10 pounds to be able to do the lifts properly, and no matter what she's tried the weight just won't come off._

_ It feels like she pukes up almost everything that she tries to get down and still nothing is helping her get any closer to that goal. She can feel the tears spring to her eyes. God damn it! She hasn't been able to control her crying lately, and she's cursing her body for fucking up so much lately. Can't she do anything right? She needs to be a star, and all of this training should be making her stronger not a sniveling baby. Rachel drags herself to the bathroom to grab some ibuprofen before crawling into bed._

_ And that's the last normal night._

:.:.:.:

It wasn't his fault. It wasn't his fault because he didn't know because she'd never told him because she was a horrible, selfish person. She took a few deep breaths before slowly grabbing his hand again. He had the courtesy to not ask her what was wrong. It wasn't his fault that he didn't know what had set her off. It was her fault for keeping this secret from him. Still, she didn't want to ruin tonight so she put on her best fake smile before turning to him with fake brightness, "I'm sorry, Finn, I was just thinking about how I forgot to turn the curling iron off, but Santana should check it… it'll be fine." She didn't think she'd ever told a worse lie in her life, and Finn didn't seem to believe her either, but he still didn't say anything. It seemed like he was finally learning about Rachel and her secrets.

The drive to the bar was pretty short, and she asked idly if they would be meeting anyone else for their evening of debauchery. Finn looked at her for a moment before grinning at her, "We don't need anyone else to have a good time, Rach," she'd let 'Rach' slip in a few weeks ago when she'd just gotten tired of correcting him. It sounded good on his lips. "Besides, in this place it's like everyone is family. Especially on St. Pat's." He parked his car a few blocks away, and held her hand again as they walked up to the bar which already seemed to be thrumming with energy.

He led her to one of the high-topped wooden tables before making his way to the bar. The bartender high fived Finn before producing two shot glasses filled with light amber liquid that Finn quickly brought back to the table. "On the house, I know Johnny from way back… shot of Jameson's?" He handed her the chilled shot glass, and she quickly downed it with him letting a hiss of breath out between her lips. It burned and numbed down her throat before settling in a warm ball in her stomach. She smiled at Finn feeling a little breathless. "I also took the liberty of ordering you an Irish coffee because it's Irish and you like coffee… is that okay?"

"Oh I love Irish coffees!" she cheered clapping her hands a little for show. She could feel the slow tendrils of the alcohol working on her nerves already and melting away her stress and worry until she was flushed and smiling.

Two more shots, two coffees, and a green beer later, and Rachel was feeling particularly less stressed. She was also experiencing a lack of coordination, fine motor skills, and impulse control.

This was the precise reason that as Finn got her back to her apartment and slowly lead her to her bedroom so that she didn't fall over somewhere on the way, she kissed him. He was leaning in to press his lips to her cheek like he always did, and she just tilted her face so that his lips brushed hers.

They didn't have sex. He actually barely kissed her back. "Finny… c'mere, I want you…" she started tugging at his pants trying to recreate that magic moment of years ago, "I wanna have sex…" she slurred at him.

He pushed her away gently as he could, "You're drunk, Rach… we can't do it like this… not again. You'll hate me again in the morning anyway." She just sat on her bed as he pulled away from her. "Rachel… if you remember this in the morning… we'll talk. I want to be with you. To actually be with you, and if you want that too, we can work something out." And then he left her. Drunk and lonely and confused. Did she want him? That was a stupid question. Of course she wanted him. She'd always wanted him, but there was something that meant she couldn't have him… something… her baby. Their baby. The dead baby… she wanted him. She had to tell him. He had to know the truth before she could have him.

**AN:** My promises to update more quickly never work. I will finish this story, but it will just take time. Thank you for staying with me if you have. I promise there's some good drama coming soon :).


	8. Chapter 8

**AN:** Believe it or not, I actually planned to finish this fic this summer. That didn't happen. But because it's been so long you get a recap.

Recap: Finn and Rachel are being forced to date in order to make the merger look better. They dated before when they were freshman, but it didn't work out because Rachel dumped his ass. Rachel's dads are awful and don't like her choice of career so they're making her major in business as well as her chosen performing arts. When we last left off, Finn and Rachel had just been out for St. Patty's day, and she'd tried to get with him only to have him turn her down because she was drunk.

She woke up the next morning with a pounding headache and a few vague memories of what had transpired between Finn and herself in the early hours of the morning. Specifically, that she had tried to kiss him, and he had pushed her away. But also that he had wanted to, but didn't want her to regret it and hate him in the morning. He wanted to talk in the morning—if she remembered what had happened. It all rushed back to her in bits as she fought back the waves of nausea.

There was only one thing standing between them and happiness, and it was a secret that Rachel had carried so alone for so long that it would be like giving him part of her soul to tell him the truth.

So she lied. Or didn't lie. She obscured the truth and pretended not to remember that she'd tried to kiss him, and that she still wanted to kiss him and do so much more than just kiss him.

And they were back to that same awkward place they had started. Both not saying anything because they had to get along for the sake of their parents at least for another two months.

But still, Rachel had resolved to tell Finn what had transpired a few years ago. Her sickness and sudden distance—the reason she'd done everything she could to avoid him for the better part of three years. She just hadn't found the right moment to tell him yet. They would be (fake) engaged in less than two weeks, and she wanted him to know before then, but whenever she got the chance, she could never find the words. She wanted to be with Finn so badly but couldn't find it in herself to bridge the gap she'd created.

They were currently out shopping for her engagement ring. Her fathers had given Finn and budget to stick to and told the two of them to go out and have a blast picking out the ring. She still couldn't believe that her fathers—the two men who were supposed to love and support her unconditionally—had come up with this hairbrained plan. They were supposed to be intelligent and modern, and there was nothing either intelligent or modern about forcing your daughter into a fake relationship for PR.

Still, she was in Tiffany's looking at gorgeous diamonds with the man she kind of might still be in love with. All of the settings and diamonds in different cuts and clarities and sizes were twinkling at her, but nothing was speaking to her. She knew that they would just sell the ring back whenever this farce was over (if this farce was ever over), but for however long she wore it, she wanted it to be the _right_ ring.

After an hour of conferring with their consultant and Finn, they were no closer to picking out a ring, and Finn was looking particularly out of patience. "I guess we're just not going to find it today," she finally said before thanking the woman for her time and grabbing Finn's hand. March was turning into April in the city, but the wind still bit at her cheeks as they walked outside to grab a cab back to school. They were going to study for their history test together before he took her to dinner.

:.:.:.:

Rachel Berry was—among other things—confusing as hell. She was gorgeous and complicated and most likely out of his league. But at that moment, and really for the past week, she'd just been confusing.

Sure, she'd been getting ready for her symposium and working on being less angry with her dads (which was never going to actually happen unless they stopped being assholes, which was about as unlikely as him being valedictorian).

She hadn't brought up her trying to kiss him. She hadn't called him the next morning and told him that she, sober Rachel, wanted to be with him. He shouldn't have expected differently, but part of him had so foolishly hoped that the Rachel he'd dated for that brief time as freshman was back in his life.

Stupid. He was stupid to think that he would ever see that Rachel again. But the really terrible thing was he was still falling for her all over again. When she wasn't outright ignoring him, Rachel was still bubbly and enigmatic and beautiful and complicated and everything he'd first fallen in love with when he'd woken up and the girl with the angry, sad eyes from the night before was still in his bed.

They were in something of a stalemate. He refused to allow himself to mention her actions from that night. If she'd been drunk enough to not remember, then she clearly couldn't have wanted it that much, and he refused to let Rachel Berry hurt him like that again. But she was getting increasingly nicer and more open with him. She would text him randomly in class and joke around and even kiss him, on the lips if not with tongue, when they were around people.

Which brought him back to the fact that Rachel Berry was confusing as fuck. Because how could she not remember wanting to be with him, and still be so nice to him? Something had clearly changed between them, but maybe he was just too dense to figure it out. Finn usually prided himself on his ability to understand people if not higher level mathematics, but Rachel defied all of his logical assessments.

But there were only a week a classes left before spring break, and Rachel was coming with him to Burt's beach house, and he hoped they could work something out there without her getting drunk as shit. Even if a drunk, angry Rachel was cute as hell.

His thoughts drifted everywhere as Rachel tried to pick out the ring she wanted, but apparently nothing was quite right for her. He didn't really care because it wasn't like it was a real engagement. If it was he would've picked the perfect ring on his own because he knew what she liked, and she would've loved it.

When she said that she wouldn't be finding a ring that day, she grabbed his hand, and they made their way outside to catch a cab.

Rachel was a little vain, but she didn't like gaudy things. Tiffany's made beautiful rings, but they weren't quite what Rachel would like. She would look better with something more delicate on her slender finger. Maybe a starburst diamond. Vintage. Her fathers had given him the money to buy the ring…

But his thoughts were cut off as she snuggled into his side complaining that she was cold. He threw his arm around her thin shoulders smiling a little at how well she fit in his arms.

The engagement ring situation would work itself out sooner or later, and there was a nice estate jeweler near the beach house. They could look there together.

:.:.:.:

"Do you want to wear this thing now, or should we wait?" Finn held the little velvet box containing her perfect engagement ring in a large hand. They'd spent the morning driving out to Burt's house for spring break, and Finn had suggested they stop at this little jewelry store on the way. It had smelled like Lysol and the velvet displays were older and a little worn, the older woman behind the counter shrunken with age, but all of the stones and metal had sparkled under the lights just the same. Finn had quietly explained that most of it was estate jewelry, gorgeous antiques that had histories and classic designs.

Finn had asked to look at the engagement rings and found the perfect one after only a few moments of gazing at the brilliant diamonds. It wouldn't even have to be resized. Delicate and slightly reminiscent of a flower with the smaller diamonds clustered around the largest center one, and set it platinum she was in love.

:.:.:.:

He made her leave the store so that he could buy it, and when he came outside, he waved it in front of her like some great prize. "Do you think they would mind if I wore it already? It's absolutely stunning, and I would love to, but I don't know if it goes with the whole plan."

Finn snorted a little derisively, "Fuck the plan, you can wear your pretty ring now, if you'd like." He stopped walking toward the car and got down on one knee holding her hands in his and the box in the other. "Rachel, will you be my spring break roommate, friend, and fellow child-of-someone-forced-into-a-lie-in-the-name-of-better-business?"

She broke out into a grin before graciously accepting the offer. He slipped the ring on her finger and she stared at it for a moment after she'd helped him back to his feet. "It really is…perfect. I'm so glad you knew about that place, Finn."

"Yeah, well, y'know, this whole situation is bull shit so I figured you should at least get a ring you like." He started back toward the car a little uncomfortable with the emotions that were starting to return. Rachel clearly didn't feel the same way about him, and it was stupid to keep being so nice and sappy with her.

She caught up with him and looped her elbow through his, "I'm glad we're friends again, Finn. I really am." Rachel nearly had to jump to reach his cheek with her soft lips, but she did it, and he couldn't help but smile.

"I'm glad too, Rach."

She'd stopped correcting him when he called her Rach, and maybe that was enough progress for now.

:.:.:.:

It was easy for Rachel to see why Burt's beach house was Finn's favorite of his step-father's properties. It sprawled right between the dunes with a wrap-around porch and second floor balconies, and the inside had a very chic, relaxed feel. It was the kind of house that spoke of old world charm and new world convenience mixed perfectly.

Finn had carried their bag inside, and once they were settled, they'd spent the last two hours simply sipping at some white wine and watching as the waves crashed, no more than one hundred yards from their seats on the porch swing. She could feel the stress of school melting away, the respite was sweet. Symposium was slowly driving her insane, but she'd finally decided on the performance she was doing for each aspect. The song was picked for her dance, the arrangement settled for her vocal performance, and her monologue selected and high-lighted if not totally memorized yet.

She loved the programs she was in, but sometimes it was just too much trying to juggle her double major, and it was times like this that made her thankful for friends like Santana and Finn to help make her relax.

Rachel took another sip of wine, and she wasn't sure if it was the warm glow of the alcohol in her system, or that clean, musky scent that was Finn or maybe it was the way the sun was setting behind them making everything gold and pink but she turned her head to the side, and she kissed him, and he kissed her back. A real kiss that said more than any of the words they'd exchanged all day. "I remember," she said finally when he pulled away from her and stroked her cheek so gently it almost made her want to cry.

Her lips felt warm and tingled just a little. "Remember what, Rach?"

"I—" her voice faltered, her thoughts raced.

:.:.:.:

_ She wakes up in the middle of the night in the worst pain she's ever felt. It feels like she's tearing apart from the inside. Rachel reaches for her bedside lamp, and then screams._

_ She's covered in blood._

_ It stretches up her arms and torso, soaking through her pants and sheets and everything._

_ Another cramp rips its way through her body, and then Santana is there dialing 911, and it's all a blur._

_ When she wakes up at the hospital, her fathers are there looking sad and judgmental. The doctor tells her she lost the baby—what baby?_

_ And then everything falls into place because she hadn't just lost her baby. She'd killed her baby. Finn's baby. She starts to cry._

_ She'd had her last normal night._

:.:.:.:

In the absence of words, she kissed him again, her fingers digging into his thick hair. He was so good for her. He was sweet and kind and warm and everything that she needed. She just needed to tell him the truth. They broke apart again, their breath mingling in the air that was getting steadily colder as the sun when down. She looked into his eyes. Those warm eyes that reminded her of what it felt like to have someone that cared simply because she mattered to him. She mattered to him.

"I—I was pregnant, Finn. And then… I wasn't. Th-that night when we first… I was pregnant. I—I couldn't be around you…after. I'm so sorry."

She didn't expect his reaction. Rachel didn't expect Finn's tears—or his anger.

He burst up from where he'd been sitting, spilling the wine that had been resting at their feet, and she'd never seen him so upset.

:.:.:.:

With her confession, Rachel seemed so relieved, but it had left him anything but.

He'd always known that Rachel was selfish but this…this was…this—he couldn't find the words. Finn stood up abruptly from his spot on the swing looking at her hopeful expression. "Rachel, I've always known you were selfish, but to—to do that—to our baby! To get an abortion without even telling me you were fucking pregnant?!" She was pregnant. And then she wasn't. Like it was that fucking simple to kill their fucking kid.

He could hear her yelling behind him that he was wrong. That wasn't it at all, but he was beyond pissed, and he just kept running away. Sorry, Rachel, he just couldn't be around her right now.

**AN:** Reviews are like the chocolate chips in a cookie. Writing should be rewarding enough but the reviews just make it that much better :). (And this is unedited because my beta is at work, and I just wanted to post it, sorry.)


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